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Feb 22

Am I a “Seasoned” Military Spouse?

Buildling Trust 298x300 Am I a “Seasoned” Military Spouse?

When did I become the mentor?

I had a wonderful opportunity to welcome a new spouse into the military lifestyle. A new officer and his fiancé arrived to our unit and we met up with them. She’s fabulous and we get along famously.  But the thing that I found so very odd was the gap widening between us as the night progressed, despite us being close in age.

Each moment I spent with her, I started seeing differences between us in our knowledge, attitudes towards the military, and even how we view the USMC in general.  I sat next to hear, listening to her speak and couldn’t understand this gap. We are not so different.  We are of similar age and background.  And when we spoke of things that were not military related, the gap would disappear.

But there was strangeness to our encounter.  Something that made me feel both uncomfortable and unsure.  And it was in this strangeness that it hit me, like a smack in the face or a punch to the nose.  I am a seasoned military spouse in her eyes.  To her, I know this life inside and out and there is no question that I can’t answer… To her, I am the one helping her understand what to do and when and what is acceptable and what is not.

Am I really a “seasoned” military spouse?

In the time I’ve been married to my husband and have had to learn the ins and outs of Tricare, ball attire and all the other parts of this life that make the USMC function, I have often looked to more experienced spouses.  I associate officer’s spouses with being experienced and, well, seasoned in the ways of this life.  I associate pretty much anyone with a higher rank than my husband to be the spouse that I can likely call when I need to know something.

But somewhere down the lines the tables turned.  As people left the unit and new people arrived, fresh out of boot camp to take their places, suddenly I became the knowledgeable spouse that everyone turned to.  And when officers arrive, fresh out of school, their spouses are unlikely to have experienced military life at all (with the exception of those who choose to become officers after having been enlisted, called “mustangs”).

More often than not, I feel lost in this life.  I feel like I learn everything the hard way.  It is an odd realization to discover that these women are looking to me, a girl who still feels fresh out of high school, for advice and wisdom.  I still feel like I’ve barely been married to my husband, but five years is plenty of time to learn the ways of the Marine Corps from a spouse’s perspective.

How strange that I have suddenly become a spouse that others look to for help and understanding.  I still feel like I could use a lot of that myself.

5 comments

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  1. Teresa Mizusawa

    I totally empathize with you on this one! Many days I feel like I know nothing about this life and how to navigate it, but as I start ticking things off that I have experienced I realize that well as my husband would put it; I am a little “salty.” That’s the best part of this life though, is being able to share experiences and grow together, great post! :D

  2. Mel

    Seasoned is just word, experience is what counts! I’ve been a Marine Wife for 16 yrs and im still experiencing something new everyday.You sound pretty stuck up.

    1. A Girl

      Mel: I appreciate your point of view. I’m sorry if what I wrote came across as “stuck up.” That was not my intention. My intention was to demonstrate how I still feel like I’m learning and lost as a military spouse and how odd it feels that others feel that I’m knowledgable and have come to me for information and advice.

  3. Hilary O'Neill

    When my husband found out we were going to be stationed at Lejeune, I immedietly began reaching out, trying to connect with someone (anyone!) who might help guide me on how to stop stumbling through this new world. I wish I was lucky enough to have a spouse from the unit to welome me into the fold. I am sure the wife you met was glad for any guidance you offered, however unwittingly.

  4. Christina Marie

    We just celebrated 5 years of marriage and of being in the Army. My hubby took a command position last year and I was suddenly the FRG leader/ senior wife! All his soldiers would hushed and great me when I would come to drop him lunch or when I would come in for meetings. It was a weird almost twilight zone experience! I always have been close with other senior wives but when I wasn’t looking I became one too! Weird! :)

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