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Jan 23

Dealing with Deployment: A Journey of Denial to Reality

Alone Dealing with Deployment: A Journey of Denial to RealitySince we’ve been in the fleet, my husband has come home at least three times to tell me about a deployment he might be part of. I guess I got to the point where I didn’t put much stock in it, so when he came home one day several months ago and told me about another one, I just kind of smiled and nodded and went on cooking dinner.

As time when on and things kept clicking in place for this one, it didn’t really seem real. I kept waiting for another transfer to a different unit or for the roster to change again. Through WTI (Weapons and Tactical Instructor Course) and pre-deployment meetings, it never sunk in that this was happening. I became so used to things falling through that a month out, I expected this to fall to pieces as well. It never happened. The morning he left, it still seemed like any other day; it was as if I was just driving him to work and he would be home later that day. I came home and watched a show on the DVR later and thought how much he was going to laugh later when he saw it. I even saved it instead of deleting it before I remembered that he wouldn’t be home later to watch it.

Almost a week has passed and things are starting to sink in. I still haven’t had the break down that some have assured me will come. If it does, I will deal with it when it happens. But at this point I have picked up the shirt he left laying in the middle of the bedroom floor and put away his woodland cammies. I am determined to make the best of the situation and look on the bright side. The toilet seat stays down. I take up the whole bed without a single word of complaint. I get to listen to whatever I want on the radio. I don’t even have to shave my legs. (At least until it is time to break out the swimsuit, then I promise not to be a woolly mammoth!). It would be hard to pick out which of these is my favorite at this point. I know as time goes on I, will probably resent the fact that the toilet seat isn’t up and I I won’t need to gripe the next morning that we need a king size bed. But for now I am going to just be thankful for what I do have. I am blessed beyond words, and as hard as it is and is going to be I am going to focus on that.

With that said I’m sure there will be some issues along the way. Even though we agreed before he left that we didn’t want to talk every day, I keep checking my phone for a missed call or text every time I walk away from it. I’m trying. I really am. I’m sure at some point we are going to argue over something inane and meaningless and then I’ll feel so much guilt that I won’t be able to express it. Things happen that you can’t plan for. I’m ok with just letting go and seeing what happens. In the end, it’s not like I can control the situation; just my reaction to it. So come along with me and let’s see where this road leads us. It could get bumpy, but I promise it will be a heck of a ride for sure.

 

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